People ... just sayin'

Well ... here I am again.  I'm not to good at keeping this blog up am I?  Well,  I've got a lot going on and I forget to do this!!  

But I have to share this story with you.  

We go every year to the beach with my parents and they have some "friends" they've met in the many years they've been going.  Now the lady I'm going to tell you about is in this group of friends but obviously not a very close one. Okay here goes:

We go to a picnic at this particular place where they all gather to catch up on the years events for each other. We've been many times with this group, so I guess this is why this encounter took me by such shock! I just never know what to say when people say things to me (until after the fact) so anyway....

My husband was not with us on this particular trip he had to work and was coming down on the weekend,  so he wasn't with us at this at this picnic. My mother, my grandfather, my daughter and I are sitting there minding our own business catching up with friends,  and this lady, who is NOT new to this group, walks up.  Keep in mind my daughter is now 3 1/2 yrs old at the time this happened. This lady has seen her at least three times (once a yr for the last 3 yrs).  Okay,  so she walks up to me at the table while pointing her finger at my daughter who is eating her lunch beside her grandmother and her great grandfather,  and this lady says to me "Does she speak English?"   (Now we are a Caucasian family, but not albinos,  we've got a little Cherokee Indian in us, but my daughter is Hispanic/Caucasian) I look at this lady and I say "yes". 

***What I should have said "NOPE"***

She says "Well there's some Spanish in there somewhere,  where does it come from?"  I say "She's adopted and her birth father is Hispanic" 

***What I should have said is "The MILKMAN" And left it at that.  ***

I guess I'm just to honest and don't think to give people stupid answers when they clearly 

deserve them. 

I know so far this isn't too bad really,  but the fact that we've seen this woman for three years in a row, and I know she's seen all of us together including my husband and knows my family....well she should have known.  NOT that I mind telling anyone my daughter is adopted,  or telling her story,  but her last words really got to me ..... after a little further conversation with us..... nothing noteable I might add,  she turns to leave but before she does she says 

"Well speaking Spanish ought to 

come naturally to her."

Idiot woman.  

Fortunately my happy little girl was too busy chowing down on her SPAGHETTI that she didn't pay attention to this crazy woman!!  

Oh the crazy things people will say to  you:

Here's some doozies we've gotten:

"Will you tell her about her REAL mom?"

"REALLY...she knows she's adopted?"

"So .. you're NOT her mother and father."

I am sure there are more  I'll come back and post them as I remember them or get new ones! LOL

If you've adopted and have got some good ones people have said to you please tell us in a comment what they were!

I just wish people would think before they speak and how it will affect the people around them especially any children that may be around.

Wow! Someone said "IT"

You know it's going to happen,  yet you really don't know what to say when it does. Someone says to your adopted child "I wish you would have stayed with your other mommy and never came here." 

You kind of expect this kind of stuff on the playground at school,  but in your very own home,  by a child you love as your own?  Well it happened,  and I don't know if I handled correctly or not but I do know it broke my heart. 

 My daughter wasn't as affected by it as I was. 

The children I keep during the day are related to me,  and I love them very much, which is why I suppose this hurt me so bad. They were told to clean up my daughter's bedroom before lunch was to be served. They had all been in there playing all morning,  and I believe they had every toy in the floor.  Well one of the children was so upset that now they had to clean up the mess they all made,  she looked at my daughter and said "I wish you would have stayed with your other mommy and never came here."  When I heard those words my head started spinning, "What did you just say?" I asked the child.  Then she repeated to me what she had said. Shocked, I put my hands on her shoulders and asked her how she would feel if someone told her they didn't want her around?  Of course I know she didn't really mean it,  after all she was just thinking if my daughter weren't here she wouldn't have to clean her room.  Little does she know she still would have been cleaning up any mess in any room they had made it in even if we had never adopted our daughter! But anyway,  she knew she had messed up and told me it would hurt very bad if we told her she wasn't wanted around. I asked her would she like me to tell her "I wish you never would have been born into this family?"  She said no that would be very mean.  SO I reminded her that my daughter was born into this family also,  just in a different way than she was. I also firmly reminded her to never say that again, to my daughter or to anyone for that matter.

I guess this hit me so hard because it is one of my greatest fears,  that my daughter will one day feel like she is not part of this "family" because she isn't biologically attached to us. That we could send her back.  That we don't love her as much because she is adopted. That we too wish she would have stayed with her birth mommy. 

Of course this will never happen,  as she is our daughter in every sense of the word.  We love her more than we could ever explain.  She is the light of our lives. She will always be our precious baby.

I just hope that she will understand this and be able to let things like this go without paying much attention to them. Like she did this time....I asked her did she hear what the other child had said?  and she says to me "Yes mommy, she was talking about my other mommy,  and that's okay mommy, I don't mind." So thank goodness she didn't really understand what the other child had said.

Checking In:

Okay time to make this blog what I meant for it to be in the first place!  A place to come and read about our adoption experience and experiences we have raising our adopted daughter!  I've added two tabs up top for you. One is about Open Adoption,  one is about Questions you might expect from your agency or home study agency. More tabs to come with different topics soon! 

Please note these are OUR experiences and you may or may not have similar experiences. If you are just starting out with the adoption process I hope this blog can be a place where you can come and read about some things that may be worrying you,  and hopefully put your mind at ease. I will periodically post about our own adopted daughter.(That's mostly what I've posted about in the past), however I really want to help couples who are considering adoption or are in the process see what they might can expect in the process.  Please feel free to email me questions about adoption experiences that you want to share or have questions about. I will answer them if I can,  or try to help you find an answer.  I do not know everything about adoption,  but I know how we felt during the process,  and would like to help ease your mind if I can!

I have also added two Face Book pages that I believe you should "like" and follow.  They have really good posts on adoption and you can see that you are not alone! You can find them in the right hand sidebar,  if you click the "LIKE" button it will take you to the actual face book page.

I have lots of plans for this blog,  so stay tuned for more,  and share us with your friends & family! Please use the tweet, and share buttons to help people find us! 

~ Becky

Our Veggie & Herb Plants

Oh my gosh!!! Another month gone with no post. I know I said i was going to get more adoption information up here for anyone interested in the process of adopting through an agency. I haven't accomplished that yet, but I have to share our gardening adventure. I will get around to the adoption process!!

Well my last post was that we actually had plants from our seed plantings, you see this is significant for me, because I have never been interested in nor could I seem to get anything to grow!! Well....... My back deck is beginning to look like a JUNGLE....and for the first time in the five years we have lived here, I actually want to go sit on my deck, it's beginning to be the deck I envisioned when we built this house.

Not to mention that my daughter and my nieces are actually learning and seeing where vegetables come from. They are excited when we have a veggie to pluck and eat!!!

I'm getting into this container gardening so much I'm already planning next years crop, as we learn what does well, and what does not. I'm also REALLY getting into my herb garden, I want to learn so much more about herb gardening. For now we are reveling in the fact we actually grew something, and KEPT it alive!!!

We have Plants!!

Remember our seeds we planted....well some have grown quite a bit and are planted in all sorts of containers on our back deck. These are pictures of our plants while they were still in the house growing. I'll have pictures of the deck with our many containers in a few days. I have to show you how these seeds took off and grew. I know you say 'isn't that what they are supposed to do?" Well yes. However with me in charge of them that is quite a feat. Some sadly did not make it, but a whole lot of them did. I've never been any good at growing things, my grandmother once gave me a house plant, and says to me "if you kill this one ~ something is wrong with you ~ because it would grow in a pile of rocks." Well needless to say it did not grow in soil at my house. I'm very neglectful at watering, and feeding, and re~potting. Thank God my daughter can say "mommy I want to eat!!!" or cry when she was little, when she needed things. Just kidding I don't THINK I would have forgotten to feed her............

Well here's the pics and I will post again soon, to show their progress. By the way my daughter absolutely LOVED helping me plant them in the bigger containers on the deck. I know she will be extremely excited when she can pluck off her very own ripe cherry tomato and eat it right off the vine!!! She loves tomatoes and cucumbers, and I'm hoping to instill a greater love of the other vegetables once she sees them growing and we can pluck them and eat them and WE GREW THEM!!!

Easter

Easter ~ here it is again. This will be our second Easter with our precious baby girl ~ only she is not such a baby anymore. She is a toddler moving on to an adult!! She is so grown up ~ she helps pick up her toys, she wipes up any thing she spills, she MUST go down the steps by herself, she MUST put on her boots by herself and all kinds of other things by herself. She is Miss independant. I love that and it's also a little sad.

I was thinking last night about all the wonderful memories of Easter I have from my own childhood. I remember going to my grandmother's for Easter dinner, the whole family would come, we would get to hunt Easter eggs, and there were always a lot of kids to play with. Sometimes we would go to the beach with my Great Aunt & Uncle, and my grandparents, they had a little place at the beach, and we'd spend our Easter there. The Easter bunny always knew where to find us. Easter always evokes renewed hope and feelings of everything is going to be alright. It always sunny and happy in my memories!! The word Easter brings up visions of church, bright colors, and sunshine, and this wonderful feeling of Resurrection. Flowers and trees are blooming after a gloomy winter, and things seem new again. I want my daughter to have wonderful Easter memories like I do. However, I've got to create our own new traditions because my grandmother has passed away and my family is spreading out and getting thinner. I'll admit I probably went overboard on the Easter basket this year, but I have a weakness for bright colored anything and candy goodies.! Is it overkill if she gets a chocolate bunny, a chocolate cross, and a chocolate duck?? I'm asking you ~ how do I decide which one?? I can't...it's a major weakness of mine..... maybe I need therapy....I want EVERY color of flower suckers there are, I want EVERY color of egg there is to have........I know she probably wouldn't know the difference, but I would. I can't help myself.... I just love a colorful, happy, sunny, Easter basket filled with beautiful, colorful, delights. I love the feeling it creates when you first look at it. It's delight, surprise, and excitement of new things all wrapped into one. I know Easter isn't about the candy and colors ....it's about Jesus, and she will know that. But I want to know ....is it wrong to associate Jesus with new, exciting, colorful, wonderful,
and family? I think not, you just have to make sure they understand that without Jesus ..... none of this would be possible.

Planting Time

Today my niece, my daughter and I planted some vegetable seeds for our container garden, that we hope to start in a couple of weeks. Every year I say I'm going to do this, and this year we actually got it started. Now ~ wish me luck in getting them to grow!! My grandmother's green thumb I did not get, but I'm hoping with age and a little luck, I can do this!! One ~ I think a vegetable garden in containers will be gorgeous on our back deck, and give my nieces and my daughter a chance to see where the vegetables in the grocery store actually come from. When I was younger we had to help my dad in the garden and when I went to my cousins house I had to help them in the garden, something I never enjoyed!! I am now wanting to know how to can veggies, and learn more how to raise our own and have them through the winter through freezing and canning. We are also planting a large garden, but I really want a container garden on our back deck also. The way prices are going up in the grocery stores for fresh vegetables that usually rot within' a few days, I feel like this is something we need to take on!! Wish us luck and I will keep you informed of how our veggies grow!!

Soap Giveaway!!

Wow ! I can't wait to try the BIG SALT LICK BAR of soap created by Rebecca's Soaps. Ha ~ my name is Rebecca also, so I have to try it right? I'm hoping it will help my little girls few spots of eczema!! AND my extremely dry skin, due to my PCOS and diabetes!!!

Go here http://www.naturemanipulted.blogspot.com/ to get your chance to win a sampling of this soap!!

The New Year

Well, Christmas is over and the new year is about to start. I don't make new year resolutions, because I always end up breaking them. However there are some things I NEED to do different this year! I MUST get my diet and blood sugar under control. I don't want to be a burden to my baby girl one day. I MUST get busy on this blog, and provide you with the answers you need. I know those questions about adoption ! I hope to accomplish getting the actual forms and questions , procedures and so forth on here so that when you sign up for an adoption, maybe you won't be as lost as we were!!! I MUST get my jewelry business bringing in some steady income!! Okay, that's what I have planned. I'll have to check back here in a year and see how far I got! I would like to start a frequently asked questions section for this blog, so if you have any specific questions about adoption in general, please post them in a comment and I will begin answering and posting all questions, for everyone to see!!!

Hope your year is as wonderful as I FEEL like mine is going to be!!!

Christmas Joy

Oh my goodness where has the time gone? I can't believe I haven't blogged in over a month.

Well the jewelry business has picked up considerably, actually it has been very busy. This along with getting ready for Christmas, and trying to get my house and my life back together after our kitchen fire, I guess I just haven't had time!!

I am so VERY excited about this Christmas. One thing I can definitely say is that God is so good, and He always provides if you believe. We have had a hard time this year financially. I wondered where we'd get the money for Sophie's Christmas, and my jewelry business kicked it up, and paid for Sophie's Christmas. She is getting a dollhouse and I absolutely can not wait to play with her. I see some very important mommy & baby time coming up. She is so precious. She is becoming so independent and so FUNNY!! She makes faces at us to make us laugh, and her personality is the sweetest, most adorable, most helpful. If she spills something she immediately gets a "nakin" to wipe it up, if the phone rings she brings it to me, she tells her cousins they are "makin a mess" and helps me to pick it up, she takes her toys to her room, she is just so eager to be helpful. I want to buy her the world, give her everything, shower her with all the wonderful things life has to give, but the only thing she really needs is our love and to know God.

We set up a nativity this year, and she is fascinated by the baby Jesus, she says "look mommy a baby, aawww is so koot" I know she doesn't get it yet, and I can't wait to teach her over the years what the nativity is and that this nativity was built by her papa and it was always in my grandparents for as long as I can remember, and now I get to carry on this tradition. I am so disappointed she won't get to meet my grandmother. My grandmother loved Christmas, and I want to instill the wonder and joy in Sophie that she instilled in me.

I want her to know how much she means to us, and how she is the best Christmas present we ever got (even if she was born in January). I had forgotten a lot of the wonder and joy of Christmas until she came along. It's so easy to get caught up in the "gifting" part of the holiday, but I find myself wanting to teach her the true miracle of Christmas, and letting her know it's not about getting, but about giving, and doing for others, just as Jesus so selflessly gave for us. I want her to know she is our Christmas Joy, and she brought back to us the true meaning of giving.

Love For My Daughter

Wow ! It's almost been 15 days since I've blogged about things. I have been so busy with my jewelry business, the mess from my kitchen fire, my volunteer job, and taking care of my house and family, I often forget to blog. I don't have many followers yet, but this is my space to vent, reflect, and discuss (even if it is just with me ;) ) things going on in the life of my daughter and our family.

Yesterday for some reason I got extremely worried about my daughter getting the swine flu, she has not received her flu shot yet I called to make the appt. but they were booked.....they told me to call back in a few weeks....what???

Anyway,
I got to thinking about all the things I love about her and I shared some of them on my personnel face book page, but I want to share them and more here. Here goes:

I love her personality, her heart, her attitude, her sweet little voice, her helpfulness, her thoughtfulness, the way she loves her daddy, the way she says "I love chou mama", I love the way she dances when we fix her chocolate milk, I love the way she loves kitty kitties, I love the way she asks for "chokit", I love the way she says "mama I wanna hold chou", I love when she puts those sweet little arms around my neck, I love how she plays tickle, tickle, I love when she sings, I love when she falls asleep in my arms, I love the way she loves her granny Gale and papa Ski, I love the way she says "looky, looky," when she sees something she likes, I love the she says pawpaw, I LOVE the way she laughs, I LOVE her with all my heart. I can't get enough of this precious Angel, God has given me to raise and protect. I could hold her until the cows come home EVERYDAY.

If you are considering adoption, and one of your doubts is whether or not you will love your baby, I hope I can help take some of that worry off of your heart, I know those doubts, I know those worries, but let me tell you, even if I had carried this Angel under my heart for nine months, I do not know how I could possibly love her any more. She is my world, she is my heart, she is my life, she is the love of my life. This angel from God saved my soul from so much despair. This angel makes everyday worth getting up for. This angel has made me complete. This angel has brought my husband and I together closer than before, and I thought we were so close before. This angel has made my LIFE complete.

???? WHY ????

The question why? My daughter who is not quite two years old yet, has started asking why? This blows me away I thought I had about a year more before this started? WHY?? I ask you. It is so adorable, she'll say "what's that?" I'll answer her. She says "Why?" That little sweet voice is the most precious thing I have ever heard!! Her little mind is exactly like a sponge...it's amazing to watch her soak up information and process it, you can almost see her little wheels turning. You can just about guess what's coming out of that sweet little mouth next. I guess the questions about her adoption and birth family won't be far behind. I guess it's time to have the "Adoption Talk" again. I don't want the words to be unfamiliar to her, I want this story to be her normal. I want her to know everything she wants to know. I do kind of wish I never had to tell her. I am not a person who likes change, and my fear is the understanding of adoption will change our relationship. I just want to make her little life as pain free as I can. If anyone has adopted out there or if you were adopted I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. I guess honesty is the best policy, but I do worry about the question "Why?" when she's asking me why her birth mom placed her for adoption. I just hope I can make this knowledge a part of her life and not something she is hurt by. Does that make sense?I love this little girl with all of my heart, and I want her to be so wrapped up in our love that being adopted will be no big deal. I know I have mentioned this before, I am so worried she will feel out of place and that she will resent us for taking her from her birth family. She is one special little girl, and her birth family are a very special group of people, and I have become "friends" with them in a way. We stay in contact through face book mainly, and they are very sweet people that I want my daughter to know. I just don't ever want her to hurt, or feel out of place, or feel like she wasn't wanted. I want to teach her God had a plan, and His plan was for her to be our daughter and since I couldn't have a baby, He chose another mommy to carry her for me, and give her to me after she was born. I honestly believe this. The circumstances that brought her to us are just too perfect not to be God's plan. I just have to be prepared for all those "Whys?"

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My Party Girl

Here is a picture of my girl at one of her cousin's birthday parties. I had to share this because I just LOVE these hair bows. If you have little girls in your families you need to check out this website. She has more than just cake hairbows....you will be delighted!

www.goldilocksbarrettes.etsy.com

This "cake" hair bow is her official birthday party hair accessory!!

Approaching Two

Me & my daughter are very close.....but she is now approaching two yrs of age, and I can see subtle changes in her. She is starting to challenge my authority. If I correct her, ask her to do something, she just looks at me like yeah, and what are you going to do about it if I don't? I have put her in time out and she knows she is in trouble then, she'll hang her little head and say "Soshie in trouble" I'll tell her yes she is in trouble and it breaks her heart, and she'll start crying. Which in turn breaks my heart, now I fully understand what my parents meant when they said "this hurts me more than it does you". I used to think bunkass, that's poop!! But I so get it now. I know in life she is going to experience a lot of hurt, I never wanted to be a part of that. But little did I know this beautiful baby would challenge me the way she does. I know I have to correct her, make her pick up her toys, and behave....but why does it have to break her heart? I don't ever want her to experience any hurt, but I know this is a necessary part of life. I just hope she knows or will one day realize I only have her best interests at heart. It's like my Uncle always taught his children. Not everyone in this world loves you like I do, and everyone doesn't have to like you, so don't give them any reason to not like you right off the bat!! My grandmother always said, I'm here to your parent not your friend, to her children, but she was their friend. They just didn't see it that way until later in life. I want to instill this into my daughter early on in life, I know she probably won't "get it" until she has children of her own, like me. I hate breaking her heart by disciplining her, but I know it must be done for own good.

Oh my gosh, I looked at my daughter yesterday and I swear she has sprouted overnight, yes I know all parents go through this. You have to understand this is my BABY, probably my ONLY BABY, it's not looking as though adoption is going to be in our future again unless we win the lottery!

You know,......I had a dream before she was born that her birth mom gave birth to a two year old, and I just kept saying NO I wanted a BABY, this can't be my baby......

Well wide awake ~~~~~ here I am almost two years later and I have a baby approaching 2yrs of age. Where did that time go? I remember watching her being born, so I know she was once a tiny baby. I look at the pictures and it scares me...... I can't remember how it felt to hold that tiny baby, I can't remember how she looked unless I look at the pictures of her. I miss my BABY, yet I've got this beautiful 21 month old, that I know so well.

She is napping at the moment and sometimes I just lay beside her and watch her tiny little chest rise and fall in such a peaceful rhythm, and it just puts my heart at peace. Sometimes she giggles in her sleep and it just warms my soul, sometimes she cries out and I reach out and pull her close and let her know mommy is here.

I do still get to hold her ......when she wants me too, and ONLY if she wants me to (little miss independent) . I treasure these days when she is so clingy (far and few in between). I do stop what I am doing and hold this beautiful little girl as tight as she wants me to, because I know these beautiful days will pass also, and soon I'll be sending her off to school! Dishes, laundry, paying bills, doing the floors, cleaning .......all of that CAN wait it won't be going anywhere. My baby is going somewhere.... she's growing up, and that I don't want to miss, because I had to do the dishes!!!

The Homestudy : Part One

If you are adopting and are wondering what is a home study and what happens, I will be glad to share what I know with you.

We did a domestic adoption so I can not say out of the country adoption home studies are the same. It depends on what the particular country wants to know about you.

The agency that did our home study has actually closed now, which makes me sad, they were absolutely wonderful to work with. The social worker they assigned us, was actually adopted herself, and she offered us some insight, on how to handle telling our daughter. She is a wonderful warm person.
They sent us lots of papers to fill out. Tons of questions to answer. Most of which you have no idea you are going to be asked. I will list some of them here.

How were you raised? How well do you get along with your parents now? As a teenager? How were you disciplined? Were you spanked, grounded, time outs, items taken away from you? They asked all kinds of questions about extended family and siblings. We were asked how we plan to discipline, how we plan to tell our daughter she's adopted. How we felt about birth moms in general, did we think they were bad people for giving up their child? How do your parents get along? Now & when you were growing up. Worst time of your life, best time of your life, each and as a couple. They want stories from your childhood, young adulthood, and now. Etc, etc.

They give you a thorough examination of your childhood, your life from birth until the point at which your hire them to do your home study. I will not lie it is invasive, and you are asked some questions that you have no idea how to answer, you are scared to tell the truth, and scared not to tell the truth. However, you will survive it, and you might learn something about yourself or your spouse in the process.

The biggest thing that bothered us was how many times we were asked the same questions by everyone involved in our adoption process. We felt like a broken record, that was hard. You wonder why can't all these people share your information?

Our first visit with our social worker was actually very pleasant. We enjoyed talking with her so much, we didn't want her to leave. She was actually the first human face we had met involved in our adoption. She was full of answers and advice. She looked over our home , they do this to make sure you have a safe environment to raise a child. They are not looking for dirt or skeletons in the closet, however I would recommend a clean house to show them. After her walk through we sat at the dining room table and just went over all of the questions we had been given to answer at an earlier date. She then asked some additional questions about our life, each and together. She then took her notes and wrote a story about us!! It was wonderful.

Next Visit with her was after baby comes home!!

Just A Note....

My daughter told me yesterday that she loved me. Which I knew she did, every time she brings those little arms around my neck so tight and squeezes, it just warms me all over, but to hear her say it. AWESOME , whether or not she really understands it yet!!

I am her disciplinarian I am mainly the one who is always telling her no, and popping her little chubby hands if she is into mischief and I've already told her no. I worried that she would not like me, and like her daddy and granny more than me because they let her get away with a lot more than I do. I am trying to teach my beautiful baby to pick up her toys, stay out of mommy's cabinets, and not to touch other people's things, not to do things that will hurt her, and to listen to mommy, because after all mommy knows best!! Not that her daddy or granny would let her get hurt, but she gets away with a lot more than I let her! Which I am learning from other people this is the natural order of things!!

I see lots of children today who get away with everything because parents are so afraid to tell them "NO". All these new politically correct ways to correct your children. I watch children whose parents say "no', but don't follow through. The worst thing you can do to your child is make empty threats. You are teaching them you can't be trusted. If you won't follow through on discipline, then you won't follow through on much else. Children quickly figure this out. I never make a threat or promise I don't keep. I follow through no matter what. I want my daughter to know when I say something I mean it. That goes for rewards also. I want her to know she can trust mommy no matter what. Hopefully creating this bond now will help in her tween & teen years. I want her to know that she can trust me & come to me her problems.

First Adoption talk

Well, the other day my beautiful daughter and I were in her "new Room" lounging on her new purple bean bag, her with her kitty and her pap pap in her mouth, me just there. I started off our conversation. "Sophie, you know you are adopted." She turns her tiny head towards me and says "uh huh" (which is her new favorite word, and answer to most questions)..I say to her "that means someone else carried you in her tummy under her heart for mommy, because mommy can't carry babies, did you know that?" again she turns her sweet tiny head to me and says "uh huh" I continue to tell her that I love her just as if I had carried her in my tummy, under my heart for 9 months. Again she says "uh huh" I go on to tell her where she was born, who carried her for mommy, and how she became part of our family. It went very well I think. Even though she doesn't really understand what I was saying I figure by the time she does understand I will have my "adoption" conversation down pat. One of my biggest fears is that one day she will feel lonely and out of place. So I keep reading on how to how to help her understand that adoption is a decision made out of love and not one of abandonment. I was extremely scared of "open adoption", but now I am so happy we decided it would be okay. I love her birth mom and birth family, and I want her to know them, love them, and have them in her life.

It is my opinion that an open adoption and knowing your birth story, will keep the fantasy of "One day my "real parents" are going to come and get me" away. She will know why she was placed for adoption into our family, and she will know by who. She will understand we are mom & dad and will always be here for her no matter what and that we love her so much, and that she has another family who also cares about her.

So as I end our conversation I tell her "We'll have this conversation many times, and mommy will always tell you what you want to know, okay baby?' She turns her tiny head towards me and says "Okay baby."

The Desire Never Goes Away

Just a quick note today...someone I know just had a baby. While it no longer haunts me like it used to, I do still get that pang in my heart. The baby looks just like her, and I look at this baby and all floods back, no one will ever say to me "she looks just like you" I just get looks like I don't know if i should ask or not ? Did you cheat on your husband or is this your child, or is she adopted? I always get the question, where did all that dark hair come from? As much as I love my daughter, I do still hurt that I will never experience pregnancy, and morning sickness, I will never experience giving birth, and I will never hear someone say "Aw how cute she looks just like you!" My husband says it is something I have to let to go, but he'll never get how deep the desire is to procreate and you want to give birth to something that spectacular. Men only have the desire to spread their seed, and we have the deep desire to carry a child of our own. I know some say I have it great I have a beautiful daughter and I didn't have to go through 9 months of sickness and bloating. Well I do have the most beautiful daughter, and I did go through a of "stuff" to get her, stuff you will never understand unless you go through it! So be careful pregnant mommies not to complain about those pregnancy pains because you might be talking to someone who would give their left arm to be having those same pregnancy pains! I am truly happy for my friends and family who can birth their children, really I am. I just want them to realize what a miracle it truly is.