???? WHY ????

The question why? My daughter who is not quite two years old yet, has started asking why? This blows me away I thought I had about a year more before this started? WHY?? I ask you. It is so adorable, she'll say "what's that?" I'll answer her. She says "Why?" That little sweet voice is the most precious thing I have ever heard!! Her little mind is exactly like a sponge...it's amazing to watch her soak up information and process it, you can almost see her little wheels turning. You can just about guess what's coming out of that sweet little mouth next. I guess the questions about her adoption and birth family won't be far behind. I guess it's time to have the "Adoption Talk" again. I don't want the words to be unfamiliar to her, I want this story to be her normal. I want her to know everything she wants to know. I do kind of wish I never had to tell her. I am not a person who likes change, and my fear is the understanding of adoption will change our relationship. I just want to make her little life as pain free as I can. If anyone has adopted out there or if you were adopted I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. I guess honesty is the best policy, but I do worry about the question "Why?" when she's asking me why her birth mom placed her for adoption. I just hope I can make this knowledge a part of her life and not something she is hurt by. Does that make sense?I love this little girl with all of my heart, and I want her to be so wrapped up in our love that being adopted will be no big deal. I know I have mentioned this before, I am so worried she will feel out of place and that she will resent us for taking her from her birth family. She is one special little girl, and her birth family are a very special group of people, and I have become "friends" with them in a way. We stay in contact through face book mainly, and they are very sweet people that I want my daughter to know. I just don't ever want her to hurt, or feel out of place, or feel like she wasn't wanted. I want to teach her God had a plan, and His plan was for her to be our daughter and since I couldn't have a baby, He chose another mommy to carry her for me, and give her to me after she was born. I honestly believe this. The circumstances that brought her to us are just too perfect not to be God's plan. I just have to be prepared for all those "Whys?"

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My Party Girl

Here is a picture of my girl at one of her cousin's birthday parties. I had to share this because I just LOVE these hair bows. If you have little girls in your families you need to check out this website. She has more than just cake hairbows....you will be delighted!

www.goldilocksbarrettes.etsy.com

This "cake" hair bow is her official birthday party hair accessory!!

Approaching Two

Me & my daughter are very close.....but she is now approaching two yrs of age, and I can see subtle changes in her. She is starting to challenge my authority. If I correct her, ask her to do something, she just looks at me like yeah, and what are you going to do about it if I don't? I have put her in time out and she knows she is in trouble then, she'll hang her little head and say "Soshie in trouble" I'll tell her yes she is in trouble and it breaks her heart, and she'll start crying. Which in turn breaks my heart, now I fully understand what my parents meant when they said "this hurts me more than it does you". I used to think bunkass, that's poop!! But I so get it now. I know in life she is going to experience a lot of hurt, I never wanted to be a part of that. But little did I know this beautiful baby would challenge me the way she does. I know I have to correct her, make her pick up her toys, and behave....but why does it have to break her heart? I don't ever want her to experience any hurt, but I know this is a necessary part of life. I just hope she knows or will one day realize I only have her best interests at heart. It's like my Uncle always taught his children. Not everyone in this world loves you like I do, and everyone doesn't have to like you, so don't give them any reason to not like you right off the bat!! My grandmother always said, I'm here to your parent not your friend, to her children, but she was their friend. They just didn't see it that way until later in life. I want to instill this into my daughter early on in life, I know she probably won't "get it" until she has children of her own, like me. I hate breaking her heart by disciplining her, but I know it must be done for own good.

Oh my gosh, I looked at my daughter yesterday and I swear she has sprouted overnight, yes I know all parents go through this. You have to understand this is my BABY, probably my ONLY BABY, it's not looking as though adoption is going to be in our future again unless we win the lottery!

You know,......I had a dream before she was born that her birth mom gave birth to a two year old, and I just kept saying NO I wanted a BABY, this can't be my baby......

Well wide awake ~~~~~ here I am almost two years later and I have a baby approaching 2yrs of age. Where did that time go? I remember watching her being born, so I know she was once a tiny baby. I look at the pictures and it scares me...... I can't remember how it felt to hold that tiny baby, I can't remember how she looked unless I look at the pictures of her. I miss my BABY, yet I've got this beautiful 21 month old, that I know so well.

She is napping at the moment and sometimes I just lay beside her and watch her tiny little chest rise and fall in such a peaceful rhythm, and it just puts my heart at peace. Sometimes she giggles in her sleep and it just warms my soul, sometimes she cries out and I reach out and pull her close and let her know mommy is here.

I do still get to hold her ......when she wants me too, and ONLY if she wants me to (little miss independent) . I treasure these days when she is so clingy (far and few in between). I do stop what I am doing and hold this beautiful little girl as tight as she wants me to, because I know these beautiful days will pass also, and soon I'll be sending her off to school! Dishes, laundry, paying bills, doing the floors, cleaning .......all of that CAN wait it won't be going anywhere. My baby is going somewhere.... she's growing up, and that I don't want to miss, because I had to do the dishes!!!