Well, the other day my beautiful daughter and I were in her "new Room" lounging on her new purple bean bag, her with her kitty and her pap pap in her mouth, me just there. I started off our conversation. "Sophie, you know you are adopted." She turns her tiny head towards me and says "uh huh" (which is her new favorite word, and answer to most questions)..I say to her "that means someone else carried you in her tummy under her heart for mommy, because mommy can't carry babies, did you know that?" again she turns her sweet tiny head to me and says "uh huh" I continue to tell her that I love her just as if I had carried her in my tummy, under my heart for 9 months. Again she says "uh huh" I go on to tell her where she was born, who carried her for mommy, and how she became part of our family. It went very well I think. Even though she doesn't really understand what I was saying I figure by the time she does understand I will have my "adoption" conversation down pat. One of my biggest fears is that one day she will feel lonely and out of place. So I keep reading on how to how to help her understand that adoption is a decision made out of love and not one of abandonment. I was extremely scared of "open adoption", but now I am so happy we decided it would be okay. I love her birth mom and birth family, and I want her to know them, love them, and have them in her life.
It is my opinion that an open adoption and knowing your birth story, will keep the fantasy of "One day my "real parents" are going to come and get me" away. She will know why she was placed for adoption into our family, and she will know by who. She will understand we are mom & dad and will always be here for her no matter what and that we love her so much, and that she has another family who also cares about her.
So as I end our conversation I tell her "We'll have this conversation many times, and mommy will always tell you what you want to know, okay baby?' She turns her tiny head towards me and says "Okay baby."