Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Best Worst Day of My Life

Yes, it's a crazy first title, for this blog. You see I'm starting my daughter's adoption story. I'm beginning sort of in the middle of our adoption process, because I want you to know what I never thought of, first. Does that make sense? Maybe not but here goes our story.

Meeting the birthfamily at a place like "Chucky Cheese" this will be our last visit with them before we head home all the way across the Unidted States. See we've already been here a month our new baby born only two weeks ago. We got to take her home (to the hotel) the day after her birth, she has been with us from her small beginning. Her "birthfamily" would come to visit, a wonderful family I might add, we got to be very friendly with them, we even went to church with them one Sunday.

Okay so two children in the birthfamily come with the birthmom and birthgrandmother. The children are playing games, and we're all passing the baby girl around for everyone to hold. A very nice pizza meal we had together. Okay time to load up and head back to the hotel, we must pack and get ready to go home to the other side of the United States. Then it hits me......haven't even thought of this...I've been so excited about finally having the baby of our dreams. It crosses my mind....HOW can I take this baby from the person who carried her under heart for 9 months? How can I take this beautiful baby girl from a family who loves her too? How can I take this baby of theirs so far across the world.......almost felt like we'd be a planet away from these people who brought this beautiful baby into the world. I started to tear up, the birthmom says to me "don't cry" and all I can think is how can I walk away with this baby? You know all along I had been worried what if she changes her mind? What if the family talks her into keeping her? Never once did I wonder how I would take walking away with someone's heart. NOT ONE of the adoption professionals I had talked to and been working with ever even mentioned this. I was a mess the rest of the night, the birthmother was calm and at peace with her decission to hand her child to us to raise and love. Not that I doubted we could raise this beautiful baby with all the love in our hearts, it was imagining how I would feel if I was letting my baby go with these strangers to be raised. Will they love her like me? Will they take extra special care of my baby? Will they tell her who I am? Being infertile and not able to birth a baby, I can't imagine giving my baby up. But this birthmom is the most amazing person I have ever met. (Not that I didn't wonder on several occassions that she would change her mind...more on that later) Not once did she let me see her cry, I don't know if she ever did. Not once did she falter in her decission and not once did she make me feel bad. She knew this baby girl needed a mom , dad, and a home with no regrets. She must have felt the love we have for this beautiful baby girl.

If you are thinking of adopting please consider how you will feel walking away with someone's heart. I'm not trying to discourage you at all. I'm just letting you know it can hit you pretty hard, when the time comes. I would have liked someone to talk to me about the feelings that come over you when you say "goodbye" to the birthfamily, and take your little bundle home. I wish I would have been prepared. As wonderful as bringing my baby home to a family that already loves her so much, I am still taking her away from one that loves her also. How did I come to terms with it? Well I'm not sure I have yet. I still wonder is our love as warm as that womb was when she was growing inside her birthmom's tummy?

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