Finally the day we've been waiting for !! We arrive at the hospital Friday morning January 4th, 2008. The birth mom is being induced this morning. Our adoption counselor asked us if we needed her there. She would come, but only if we felt we needed her. Well never doing this before we didn't know to say yes, so to keep her from driving 4 hours to be with us, we said no. BIG mistake. The waiting room was fine before the birth of our baby, but after she was born we began to experience yet something else we never expected and were never advised about. We knew the hospital had the birth mom's plan & requests for the birth. We could be in the room but above her head. She wanted to hold the baby by herself first. We could name her. We could dress her. Etc., Etc. The hospital did confirm having this and we went through proving who we were, the adoptive parents, we talked to the hospital social worker, yet, no one advised the nurses of the nursery. There was absolutely no protocol for what was to happen after the baby was born. They did let me go in while they bathed the baby and did all the newborn stuff they do to babies. Then they swaddled her and said they were taking her to the mom for her to feed her. What? I am the mom, and I will feed her, her first bottle. No we have to take her to her mom. I AM HER MOM. So we made a phone to our adoption counselor for advice, and she talked to the head nurse and let her know the birth mom was not to handle baby, was not to feed, change, or hold the baby much if at all. They didn't want her making emotional ties with the baby to let the adoptive parents do all of that. Well that led to making the birth mom angry. So neither of us had been prepared for the hospital time. The nurses finally let us sit in their storage room so we could hold our new baby girl and they even let my mom come back with us. They did let me feed her, her first bottle, but I had to fight to do that. Finally I talked to birth mom and she didn't want the baby to stay in the nursery all night, so she offered me to stay with her in the room with the baby, so that is what I did. That night we talked a lot and I got to know more about her. Turns out that this was her second adoption placement, and she knew what she could handle and what she wanted to handle. I am so glad I got to spend that time with her. I have wonderful things to tell my daughter about her biological mom. After talking with the birth mom that night, I knew she knew exactly what she wanted and all my fears of her changing her mind dissolved. She was confident in her choice of parents, yes I asked, now that you have met us, do you have any reservations, do you feel like you made the right choice? She made me feel completely at ease and let me be the mother to our baby. After this time with her I have a completely new respect for her, and dare I say love for her.
So before you go to the hospital to be there for the birth of your baby, make sure you have representation there to handle the nurses. They don't do adoptions everyday and they really didn't know what to do. It was awkward for them not to take the baby to spend all the time with the birth mom. See if the hospital can make some sort of accommodations for you to spend with your baby, maybe even if you have to pay to stay in a room of your own. Just so if you have family there, they will have somewhere to hang out, where they can visit with the baby also, without everyone crowding the birth mom. She may not want everyone around her cuddling and cooing over the baby she is giving up. Or be sure to discuss all of this with her beforehand, so everyone knows what to do at the hospital.